This is probably the longest I ghosted on you guys. Or maybe not. All I know is it has been so long. Don’t you think?
I’ve had several people asking me if I’m okay. What really got me was someone left me a message in Instagram asking me to go back writing with a crying emoji.
I guess if ever I do stop blogging I owe you an explanation and not just disappear.
When I did my 2016 closing credit (you can read it HERE), I kinda mentioned that I’m looking forward to 2017 after having a not so good 2016.
It is just the 2nd month of 2017 and I just want to turn around and go back (if I can choose a year I’d choose 2015).
I was in the middle of getting ready for my trip to Cebu for the first death anniversary of my brother. (I was so excited since my sister and her husband (from L.A) are coming home. And some of my nieces and nephews). When I heard the news at 6:30am (Manila time).
I know this kind of call (when my brother died my sister Annie called me at 6:00am). And when I heard Susan’s (my sister) voice I know this kind of voice. All I could think of was “please God not my Mom or my Dad. Or not any of my family. Please.”
Like I said I know this kind of calls. I know it too well.
“Kyle was shot. Their house was burglarized and Kyle was shot dead.” Susan told me. Her voice so low it cracked. Her voice so low I can feel it coming from the core of her being.
Kyle is family. He is the husband of my sister Putchie or Patricia or Pat as Kyle calls her.
Kyle and Pat met in Germany (Stuttgart) where they are both based. They met at the right time. So to speak. They both just came from a bad marriage.
Kyle loved my sister so much. He worshipped the ground she walks on. I have never seen a husband who adores his wife the way Kyle adored my sister.
Theirs was a happy marriage. Who has a happy marriage these days? Kyle and Pat. They were a happy couple.
It took me a few minutes to understand what my sister told me and up to now I haven’t really gotten over it.
Why? Why Kyle? Why my sister? Those are a just few of the many questions in my head.
Kyle is an American Military stationed in Germany for the past 28 years. Both Pat & Kyle loved living in Germany. In 2015 Kyle was called back and was stationed in Jacksonville, Florida. His contract was for 2 years. My sister didn’t want to go with him, she wanted to stay in Stuttgart and wait for him. But Kyle doesn’t like long distance relationship. So, my sister didn’t have a choice but to go with her husband.
Kyle’s contract was to end this year. August to be exact. And they were excited to go back home to Stuttgart. As far as they were concern they were done with their journey in Jacksonville.
Kyle will be given a Military Honor during his Memorial Service on March 15, 2017. My sister Susan and her husband (L.A.) and my brother Chris and his wife (Atlanta), and myself will be there to hold her hand.
The past 2 weeks and a half I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move. My heart bled for Kyle and Pat. Why?
For the past 2 weeks and a half I have been questioning life (per se). Looking for answers. Searching for the reason. Trying to make sense of this tragedy my family is going through now. And each day when I wake up in the morning I feel farther and farther away from the answers to my questions. Farther and farther away.
I must admit that everyday I toyed with the idea of stopping. Stop everything. Stop blogging and stop my business (Willow Jewelry). Until I find what I am searching for. Until things will make sense. ’cause right now it doesn’t.