It’s my brother’s birthday today (the brother that just passed).
He woke me up so early this morning. Around 5:30 am. I normally wake up between 6:00 – 6:30am.
Ever since he died he is always my first thought when I wake up. I remind myself that he’s gone already and I can’t believe that he’s gone. I took for granted the days when he was still alive and think that he is just home. That he is just there. That he will always be there. And now I can’t even text him anymore. No more messages from him.
We buried with him his sim card. It was so painful to watch.
When his doctor told me that he has 3 to 6 months to live me and my sister (the one based in L.A.) had the same thought. That on his birthday we would celebrate it. Either at home or in the hospital, where ever he will be today. We did not expect that he wouldn’t make it on his birthday.
We knew he would be going soon, but not that soon.
So, today they are celebrating my brother’s birthday in Cebu. My Mom and Dad, my sisters (who are still there. But they’re leaving tomorrow), my Auntie Inday, and my cousins. My sister live streamed us (me and my other siblings and cousins who are all abroad) during their lunch celebration.
Yesterday, I couldn’t help but shed tears during mass. I just remembered everything when I was in Cebu. And I suddenly missed everyone back home. I miss my Mom and Dad, my brothers and thinking my sister would be going back to L.A. soon, my brother who passed. I remembered everything and my tears just started falling.
When I went back to the car I was still sniffling and Joshua noticed it.
Umiiyak ka pa rin hangang ngayon mam? Hindi ka pa ba tapos umiyak?
Bakit? anong paki alam mo Joshua? Ang aso nga ini iyakan ko tao pa kaya. Kapatid ko pa.
Na lulungkot din kasi ako mam pag umiiyak ka.
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