When my Mom told me the Doctors diagnosis of my brother I decided to go home to Cebu. ASAP. First to talk to my brothers Doctors and second to come visit my brother.
I went home together with my sister, Annie.
I was so scared on our way home. I was scared to see the state my brother was at that time. I might not be able to take it. Altho’ I expected the worst already but even then you’re never prepared for something like this.
We went straight to the hospital from the airport. When we got to his room he was sitting on his bed having breakfast.
I greeted my Mom and Dad who were there and I went straight to my brother.
He looked okay! He didn’t look bad as I expected. Altho’ he was very thin already but his face, there was something about his face that I could not explain.
We talked and joked the whole time I was there. But every time I looked at him and I look at his face, there was this certain look that he had. Calm, serene and piercing eyes.
I could not forget his piercing eyes. I did not tell anyone about my observation. Not even my sister.
When I was back in Manila already I reported to my older sister (who lives in the U.S.) everything. She asked me specifically how he looked like and I told her specifically that he looked okay. I mean you know he is sick but he looked okay. In fact he looked so handsome. I kept on repeating to my older sister that he looked so handsome. He had very beautiful eyes. That’s what I said.
A week and half after he checked out from the hospital we brought him back to the hospital again. He was deteriorating so fast and we all decided that whatever is going to happen at least he was in the hospital already. If he needed pain management it was going to be easy for him.
He was rushed to the hospital on a Saturday and deteriorated more. Monday, his Doctor talked to me and told me what to expect and asked for the family’s decision if the time comes, 1. if he would have a hard time breathing (aside from liver cancer he also had pneumonia) will they intubate and 2. if his heart fails will they resuscitate.
His Doctor wanted me to decide.
Tuesday afternoon my sister said that he might not make it any longer ’cause he already had a hard time breathing, I decided to fly to Cebu the following day. My sister in the States also decided to come home.
During day time my sister, my mom and dad were their with him in the hospital. During night time we got him a male care giver. My parents house is 14 kilometers away from the city so, we decided that my sister checked-in in a hotel across the hospital but my Mom and Dad goes home every afternoon. My sister usually stays in the hospital after my brother had dinner.
That Tuesday night my sister couldn’t leave his room. She told me she didn’t have the heart to leave him in that state. She would go out every now and then to talk to me and cry. She couldn’t stand looking at him grasping for breath. I told her to go back inside and hold his hand. But I said it’s okay that she would go out to talk to me and let her feelings out. She didn’t want him to see her crying.
The whole time I was ‘live’ on viber with my sister. Telling my sister what to do (at this time she didn’t know anymore what to do and she couldn’t think straight) and gave her moral support.
My brother was still conscious and every breath was a struggle. I told her to hold his hand and touch his face. The whole time my sister was holding his hand and massaging him and touching his face and telling him to rest already. Until he fell asleep around 10:30pm Tuesday night.
When my brother went to sleep my sister decided to go to her hotel room so she can rest and go to sleep.
When I woke up the following morning my sister messaged me and said that my brother didn’t make it through the night. He left us at exactly 3:12am.
When my sister (the sister in the U.S.) found out that my brother was gone she told me not to go home anymore and wait for her so I won’t be flying back and forth. She told me to wait for her and we would go home together. So, I stayed put.
Early this week my sister, Annie, and I would talk about what happened that night. We would re-live the incident that particular night. And my sister told me I’ll never forget his piercing eyes Tins. Every time I looked at him his eyes where so deep and piercing and he looked so handsome.
I told my sister, omg, you noticed also the piercing eyes and how different he looked? I mean he looked so gwapo (my brother was already good looking to begin with). And my sister said yes. Ang gwapo nya. Suddenly it just came out from my mouth out of nowhere, he looked like Jesus.
My sister and me were silent for a few seconds.
Omg, Ann, he really looked like Jesus! We were looking at Jesus eyes the whole time.
I remember a story that was told to me a long time ago, I forgot already who told me but they say that if a person is dying and would look like Jesus that means that Jesus is carrying him or Jesus was inside his body.
My sister Annie and I started crying and crying.
When my brother was still in the hospital and my friends would ask me if there’s anything they can do, I always, always tell everyone to help us pray that he won’t suffer long and he won’t be in so much pain. I know liver cancer is the most painful type of cancer.
That’s all we wanted for him. And all prayers were answered.
My brother was not in pain. He actually died in his sleep in Jesus arms.
I just needed to share this with you. They always say that remembering his memory is a blessing.